I'm jealous of your bromance
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
