Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
