I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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