Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
smell my finger.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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