You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Who did Billy Mays play for?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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