His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
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