i don't like sucking hair
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
