Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
3 2 1 whiskey
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
