I showed him my bush... on skype.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
