Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
