I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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