I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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