Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
