What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Yo dont text me then not text me
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
Randomize
