is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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