You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
Randomize
