This house was built for laser tag.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
