I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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