Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
