I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Randomize
