Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Randomize
