drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I need to align my fucking chakras
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
