If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
well I can't set my house on fire every night
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
