so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize