i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Randomize
