thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
