I bet he comes in French.
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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