Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
