Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
im calling her cock vulture from now on
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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