He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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