Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
is that a dick in a sweater?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
