I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I pour the whiskey from now on
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Randomize
