so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
