he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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