I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Randomize