my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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