You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Randomize
