ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
