I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
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