My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
