If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Randomize
