He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Randomize
