the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Randomize
