We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I need to calm my uterus...
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
