Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Randomize
