Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
