after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
