He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
we're making bets on your personal life
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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