I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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