I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
