currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Just pee around me
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
