I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
