I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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