Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
