I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
