I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
