i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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