I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize