I like to think it a success when the cops are called
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Randomize
