I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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