Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I love you.
Bad choice
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