She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Randomize
