good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
You need Xanax blowdarts
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Randomize
