2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize