ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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