Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
