I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
